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African American Mommies
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Rainsmumm
Hey y’all, this is gonna be a long one cus I have no one else to talk to �� I’ve made a post or 2 on here about my mom before but I think I’m seriously sick of her *** now. Background: I have a toddler that will be 2 in September & I’m 38 weeks pregnant. I was taken off of work & almost put on bed rest at 22 weeks bc of risk my son was gonna come early. When that happened my mom volunteered to come over & help me around the house until the end of the pregnancy (mind u I didn’t ask for her help bc we already have a rocky relationship & I don’t think anyone owes me help with my kids besides my husband). She also works so she could only help until about 1pm & then she likes to take a nap before getting ready, which was fine by me. She ended up only helping me for a week & then went right back to her shopping addiction. She shops at random discount stores 2-3x a week & she SWOREEEE up & down MULTIPLE times that she was gonna give it up to help me. I’m not even mad that she didn’t give it up, I’m upset that she made a big deal about telling me that she would, and didn’t follow thru. A couple weeks went by & I brought it up & she said “oh I didn’t know u still needed help” �� Then everyday that week she told me she would come over, but didn’t. Literally everyday when she FT’d my daughter she was shopping, instead of coming to help me like she said she would. I got upset with her & tried to talk to her about how her actions hurt my feelings & she said “my doctor told me I can’t argue with ppl” ….like huh? So I still let her FT my daughter but I would be quiet when she talked to her bc I was obviously still upset. A few days later on FT she says to me “do I owe u money or something? Why do u have an attitude?” And I told her bc she keeps making promise that she’s not keeping & she says “u need to get over it, life is too short to be mad & be acting like a little ass kid” so at that point I told her if she wanted to continue the FT call with my daughter she could but I had nothing else to say to her & she hung up the phone in our faces (not the first time she’s done this when I didn’t wanna talk to her but let her talk to my daughter). After that I blocked her number & we haven’t spoken to her in a few days. Then today she has my aunt call me on a 3 way with them & she tells me “u need to unblock me on Instagram so I can see my grandbaby” …straight like that �� Atp I feel like I’ve tried everything. I’ve tried to talk to her about how the stuff she does makes me feel & she basically says get over it. I’ve tried to ignore it & still let her have a relationship with my daughter, but then she starts acting petty. I feel like talking to her is like talking to a brick wall. I’m at the point where I want to cut her out of my life. We’ve been back & forth since I was a teenager & I’m 26 years old. I feel like I don’t have the energy for her childish games anymore. I hate to not let my daughter talk to her bc my daughter loves her grandma. But the hanging up in HER face bc ur mad at me is not gonna be tolerated. My daughter picks up on everything & I don’t want it to get to the point where her feelings actually get hurt bc of my mom doing something petty towards me. Has anyone gone thru this with their mom? I honestly wanna go to therapy with her but I know she won’t do it.
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b
bloveis
I have not gone through it but hang in there mama. Maybe she'll get better once the new baby arrives. Praying for you to have a safe and healthy delivery!
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Rainsmumm
@bloveis,
thank you ❤️ I’m honestly not holding out hope but anything is possible I guess
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MerCbby
Congrats on making it to 38 weeks with a complicated pregnancy! Your mom sounds toxic and that can't be good for your toddler. Glad you're open to therapy. Go when you can to process this even if she won't go with you. Focus on your precious babies!
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Rainsmumm
@MerCbby,
thank u ❤️ & I 100% need to focus on my family & everything will be what it is
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GrowingNGlowing
Personally I think you just need to drop all expectations because that’s also what adds to the problem. If she has an addiction then the issue is bigger than you because it gives her relief from whatever is going on deep down. If she can’t keep promises and from what you’ve said she clearly has a problem. Don’t rely on her - whatever she says she’ll do don’t rely on it. If she does it great she doesn’t then oh well because you didn’t expect her to. I know she’s your mother but you’re grown now. Set boundaries and live by that. If you know what she is like then all you can control is your expectations not her behaviour. She’s allowed to do whatever she wants even if it hurts others sadly until she realises things herself. She may but she may not. That’s up to her it’s her life. All you can do is change what you expect from her and you will happier because your happiness is not dependent on her behaviour
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Rainsmumm
@GrowingNGlowing,
this is very true thank u ❤️ I think that’s why I think a lot of it is my fault bc I have expectations based on what she says & not on her actions. Moving forward that’s what I see I need to work on
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